This article pursues the answer through the lenses of Scripture, doctrine, real-life stories, and pastoral experience. Along the way, we’ll look at what it means for men to image Christ as husbands and fathers, how these roles are lived out in homes both ancient and modern, and what hope there is for men who feel they’ve failed.
Scripture Foundation
The New Testament’s teaching on male headship is most explicit in Ephesians 5:22–33 and Colossians 3:19–21. Paul writes, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” (Eph 5:25). Here, headship is defined not by domination but sacrificial self-giving. The husband’s authority is cruciform—shaped by Christ’s own willingness to lay down his life for the beloved (see also Desiring God, Scott LaPierre).
Colossians 3:19–21 echoes this: “Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them. Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.” The warning is clear: biblical headship never excuses harshness or abuse. Instead, it is about gentle, patient, and consistent love.
These passages build on the Old Testament’s vision. Genesis 18:19 describes Abraham as one who “will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the LORD.” The righteous man in Proverbs 20:7 “walketh in his integrity: his children are blessed after him.” Earthly fatherhood is patterned after the heavenly Father (Hebrews 12:9–10), with the goal of raising children in faith and justice, establishing a legacy of blessing.
Doctrinal Explanation
From these texts emerges the doctrine of male headship as an office rooted in creation, redeemed by Christ, and empowered by the Holy Spirit. This role is not about inherent superiority; as 1 Corinthians 11:3 states, “the head of every man is Christ, the head of a woman is her husband, and the head of Christ is God” (Catholic.com). Just as Christ is both co-equal with the Father and yet submits for the sake of redemptive order, so husbands serve their families under Christ’s lordship.
This headship is best understood as priestly and prophetic: the husband mediates God’s love, prays for and with his family, and models the life of faith (Focus on the Family). It is a calling to sacrificial provision, protection, and instruction—preparing children to know, love, and obey Christ.
Importantly, the biblical model stands in sharp contrast to both cultural patriarchy and modern egalitarianism. Many contemporary Christians mistake headship for license to control, but Scripture clearly rebukes such abuse. True headship is marked by self-denial, humility, and an unwavering commitment to the flourishing of others (CBMW).
Charles Spurgeon summarized it well: “Let the husband seek to win his spouse, not drive her; let him lead her gently, remembering that ‘he that loveth his wife loveth himself.’” Headship, then, is fulfilled not in self-assertion but in self-emptying love.
Practical Illustration
Consider the story of Marcus Thompson. At first glance, Marcus seemed successful: a thriving business, a nice home, a beautiful family. But late at night, staring at unpaid bills and remembering missed birthdays, he realized something was deeply wrong. His wife, Sarah, was distant; his children, Emma and Jake, barely spoke to him.
Everything changed when Marcus attended a men’s retreat focused on Ephesians 5. Convicted, he started small: weekly family worship, honest apologies when he failed, and regular one-on-one time with each child. At first, resistance was strong—eye rolls, skepticism, even outright rejection. But over time, as Marcus persisted in humility and vulnerability, the atmosphere shifted. Jake began to ask questions about faith. Emma became more generous and open. Sarah, moved by Marcus’s sincerity, initiated spiritual conversations.
Marcus’s story shows that spiritual leadership is not about instant results. It’s about faithful presence, perseverance, and the willingness to repent and try again. Influence is earned not by demanding respect, but by consistently showing up, listening, and loving.
Pastoral Insight
Many men today struggle under the weight of expectations—both from culture and the church. Some retreat, abdicating leadership in the name of “servant-hood”; others dominate, confusing biblical headship with authoritarianism. The gospel offers a better way.
Pastoral wisdom suggests several practical disciplines:
- Sabbath Rest: Set aside regular time to be fully present with family, free from distractions.
- Family Covenants: Review and renew commitments about faith, media, and hospitality.
- Focused Attention: Take each child on regular “dates,” asking open-ended questions about their hearts and struggles.
- Mentoring: Seek out older fathers for advice, and offer support to those just starting out (The Gospel Coalition).
Above all, remember: grace abounds for failures. The resurrection means even the most broken relationships can be restored. Start small—ask your spouse or children about God’s goodness, listen without judgment, and celebrate progress, however slow.
As one pastoral leader put it: “As goes the father, so goes the family. The role of men in their families is so important that God honored it by conferring upon us his own title, Father” (Facebook).
Contemporary Debates
Today, the church is divided over gender roles. Some argue for complete equality of roles (egalitarianism), while others maintain distinct roles for men and women (complementarianism). The best biblical scholarship suggests that while men and women are equal in value and dignity, they are not interchangeable in every function (The Gospel Coalition).
Healthy headship is not about power, but about being the first to serve, the first to repent, and the first to forgive. It is about reflecting Christ, who “came not to be served but to serve” (Mark 10:45).
Saints in the Making
The vocation of husband and father is not a prize for the strong, but a call to the weak—men who know they need grace every moment. In Christ, even failures can become saints, and homes can become places where faith is caught, not just taught.
To all husbands and fathers, the invitation is clear: Lead not by force, but by example. Love as Christ loved. And trust that, as you walk in integrity, your children and your children’s children will be blessed after you.
